"Losing my Sight, Losing my Mind. Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine!"
Sorry, had to throw a song quote in there. I was inspired. *Winks eye at Inspiring Friend*
I wish I was open and honest and unafraid. I started this "Secret" (Dare I say scandalous...hahaha...ok, too many inside jokes already, I'll stop!) Blog to open up and vent and air my frustrations, but now it has followers. And all of a sudden I am thrown to a halt. Thoughts about...
"What will they think of me if I tell them it's noon and it was inevitable I would get cranky ... well ... because it's afternoon .. that's why!"
"Will they stop reading my other blog if they realize that not only am I random, but I'm possibly, no probably, more complex than most people would imagine?"
"Wow, I'm so glad I don't have to wear a bra today." (Oops...veering off track there...)
"Do my excessive ... and !!! and parenthesis bother my readers?"
I haven't quite figured out why I am so afraid to be me. I mean I am me and all, but I don't want anyone to see it.
It was funny because shortly after I started my first blog my husband said to me, "Wow, I didn't know you were that funny." Seriously?! Who am I at home?
This is the perfect example of what I am trying to get at. I feel like I am in the middle of an identity crisis lately. I've lost sight of who I am. Ok, OBVIOUSLY (Oh do my excessive use of CAPS annoy you also?) I am a mother, a wife, a sister, a daughter, a friend, a lover, a (trying to be) writer, a joker, a smoker and a midnight toker...ok well night the last 2 (that's right! quit smoking!!! go me!)
But who am I REALLY? I've gotten very lost in trying to be who everyone wants me to be that I'm not quite sure who I really am. Well I do...kinda...but I'm not so sure I want everyone to know! Ever feel like that? Have you lost sight of who you are? Do you fear losing the ones you love if only they knew?
Wow it kinda makes me sound horrible!!! I'm not really, but many things can turn people away. Religion, social status, mental status, feelings about friends, feelings about family, feelings about yourself, the past, the present, hopes for the future! We all hide some of this...or is it just me?
3 comments:
Wow, I completely understand what you mean! There are all those labels that we can pull out about "who" we are, but do they really define us? Should we let them? Can they really encompas everything that we are? I am also having an identity crisis. Isn't it the scariest thing ever? Ok, maybe not ever, but it's up there!! The "Who am I REALLY????" question is in my head all the time. Along with the "Am I a bad person pretending to be a good person?" question, but that's a whole other thing LOL
But I totally get the "I sort of know who I am, but do I really want everyone to know all those pieces of me" kind of a thing...
Hrm..... Well, there's a thought.
I leave you with this:
"I tell you there're pieces of me you've never seen
"Maybe she's just pieces of me you've never seen"
--Tori Amos (loves)
Exactly. I had figured if anyone understood it would be you ;)
And you are a WONDERFUL person!!!
BUT I don't understand your lyrics. I'm such a blond :D
You probably have to look at the whole song to get the real meaning out of it...but to me, those lines mean that there are just parts that people don't see. I just love the "pieces of me you've never seen" sections. Kind of how I feel sometimes, there are pieces of me, and certain people see certain pieces. Which is all well and good in some situations, but I wish there were people who got to see all of those pieces. There are a couple who come close! (lucky you! haha)
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