Nope, it's definitely not sunburn!

Great news...the Lamictal was working beautifully.

BAD news...PDog broke out in an awful rash from it. At first I thought he was just hot from playing outside or maybe it was sun burn. Then I noticed it had spread to his arms and was becoming quite splotchy.

I'm not sure if you know anything about Lamictal, but it can cause rashes that have actually been fatal in some cases. (Steven Johnson Syndrome)

After spending some time at the Urgent Care Center (Peds office was booked solid...grrrrrrrrrrr) and calling his phsyc doc it was determined that we need to remove him from the meds.

In order to do this he must spend 5 days mood stabilizer free. You can see where I'm going with this can't you? Today was his first day without. He's been really good though. A tad uppity and hyper, but that's not too atypical of him.

But as we all know, what goes up must come down. Please pray with me that we can get him back on a mood stabilizer before he crashes too low. Poor little guy!

In other news, I am on the forth chapter of my new novel. I've checked out SEVERAL books on BPD and BPD in children and teens. It's been almost impossible to find answers to some of my questions though. It's hard to predict what an 18 yr old boy with bipolar will act like after having been diagnosed and medicated since age 7. There isn't a whole lot of research on how stable kids remain when taking their meds. And right now, with things going so well, it's hard to imagine him getting worse again. (Knock on wood...this desk is real wood...right???)

So I know I don't have a huge following, but if anyone knows any teens (particularly boys) with BPD I'd love to get in touch with them!

However. I RARELY post links, but if any of YOU have kids with BPD, read the comments in this post. What an eye opening experience! It may not have answered all my questions, but it definitely answered a few!

Why are Happy Updates so Hard?

Why is it so much easier to post when things are going rotten? Is it the need to vent? The need update people that life still sucks?

Well things don't suck right now. They are actually somewhat stable. We had a down cycle last week so I'm hoping this week is better. We upped the Lamictal a tad, so we'll see if that helps even things out a little more.

On a completely and unrelated different note, I've started my third novel. I've decided to write from the perspective of a teenage girl with a sibling and mother with BPD. So far I'm loving it. I've checked out at least ten books from the library about BiPolar kids and teens as I want to make sure my character is very realistic. I've also chatted up a couple teens with the illness to get their imput.

Do you know or do you have a teen with BPD? Let me know. I'd love some insight. I mean I've had it my whole life, but I don't know what it's like to be stable (if that's possible) on meds and function. It's my big question right now.

What do you think?

Chasing away the Sharks

It's been a good week thus far. The kids are enjoying their time off and PDog has been virtually rage free for 2 weeks now. I think the med change has really helped. The husband thinks it has more to do with school being done, but I've noticed a huge improvement besides that, especially when he gets angry.

I've been a tad busy as of late. I fear I've kinda lost touch with my friends, but between the part time contracting work I do, editing and writing, entertaining children, cooking and cleaning, I barely have a chance to breath. I haven't even ran once this week.

Still! We are remaining positive. Good things are happening and I'm not going to ruin that. For once I'm going to enjoy it. Good bye angry sharks of sadness!

It's just not my favorite...

So things have been much better this week with P dog. Whether it is the med change or being out of school I am unsure, but I really think it is the med change. Overall he is just ... happier.

I like happier children! They ARE my favorite.

Me...not so happier. Not happier at all. Having a disagreement with someone close to me and everything I dislike about them seems to be slapping me in the face. That is NOT my favorite.

I don't feel like I really have anyone to talk to about this because I already feel like people are very judgmental about the situation and/or they could never relate to it. Totally NOT my favorite.

So this evening I feel a bit on the lonely side....wishing things could change but out of ideas on how to help them do so. Maybe it is just not possible. And if that's true....that is no where near my favorite!

Why is when things get better in one area of life they always seem to go down hill in another? Can't I just have a happy day? (Rhetorical question of course....)

The Mood Swings are Kinda Like Contractions Today

Five minutes on, five minutes off.... He is so up and down I don't know what to think!

He's talking about how he wants to fall out a window (a friend of ours suffered from this tragedy when her son passed away last year after doing so ... and P Dog remembers it) on minute and then laughing hysterically over a toe nail the next.

I'm sure it has to do with the med change though, so I'm trying not to get too worried about it.

After an absurd week (oh who am I kidding, it's been an absurd month!) and a large emotional outburst at school yesterday we decided to put him on home bound again for the rest of the year. (All 7 days of it) He just can't even get through half a day and I feel horrible for his teacher because he keeps telling her, "you ruined my life!" and "I hate you!". She so does not deserve that. She is actually the best thing that has ever happened to him in terms of school.

Unfortunately the suicidal thoughts have not stopped. He's getting pretty creative with them though. So at this point I refuse to let him shower alone (as he's said he wants to drown) and I am afraid to let him put away the knives when unloading the dishwasher (as he's said he'd like to stab himself and just bleed till he dies.) Maybe I am being over protective, but as I've had similar thoughts myself during my lifetime (mostly as a teenager) I just don't trust that he's trying to get attention as some might think.

I know I've gotten to the point on this blog where possibly I am saying too much and not holding back some obscene details, but I can't even describe how good it feels just to vent...sometimes in hope that someone else out there will understand what I am going through and tell me I am not alone.

BUT no need to worry about me. Because with songs like this, it's impossible not to stay positive. And when my little guy tells me he NEEDS this on his MP3 player....I know he's going to be ok too!