The Mood Swings are Kinda Like Contractions Today

Five minutes on, five minutes off.... He is so up and down I don't know what to think!

He's talking about how he wants to fall out a window (a friend of ours suffered from this tragedy when her son passed away last year after doing so ... and P Dog remembers it) on minute and then laughing hysterically over a toe nail the next.

I'm sure it has to do with the med change though, so I'm trying not to get too worried about it.

After an absurd week (oh who am I kidding, it's been an absurd month!) and a large emotional outburst at school yesterday we decided to put him on home bound again for the rest of the year. (All 7 days of it) He just can't even get through half a day and I feel horrible for his teacher because he keeps telling her, "you ruined my life!" and "I hate you!". She so does not deserve that. She is actually the best thing that has ever happened to him in terms of school.

Unfortunately the suicidal thoughts have not stopped. He's getting pretty creative with them though. So at this point I refuse to let him shower alone (as he's said he wants to drown) and I am afraid to let him put away the knives when unloading the dishwasher (as he's said he'd like to stab himself and just bleed till he dies.) Maybe I am being over protective, but as I've had similar thoughts myself during my lifetime (mostly as a teenager) I just don't trust that he's trying to get attention as some might think.

I know I've gotten to the point on this blog where possibly I am saying too much and not holding back some obscene details, but I can't even describe how good it feels just to vent...sometimes in hope that someone else out there will understand what I am going through and tell me I am not alone.

BUT no need to worry about me. Because with songs like this, it's impossible not to stay positive. And when my little guy tells me he NEEDS this on his MP3 player....I know he's going to be ok too!