Thankful for Hitting Rock Bottom

Its that time of year where everyone lists the things they are thankful for, and although I may piss and moan a bit on this blog, I have to admit I have a LOT to be thankful for this year.

When I look back to where I was two years ago, this is the situation I see this ...

I ...

- Quit my job because I lost my mind. (almost literally...long story...visit here for details)

- Lost most of my friends.

- Then had to deal with my husband losing his job.

- Was losing my house.

- Lost my credit.

- Had a father who was just recovering from quadrupedal bypass surgery.

- Could not afford to buy gifts for my own children for Christmas so had to go through Toys for Tots.

- Was on food stamps.

- Had shut off notices on all my bills.

- Had a VERY rocky marriage.

- Was heading down some very wrong roads and making very poor life decisions.

- Had no direction in life.

- Felt absolutely no sense of self worth.

- Had lost all my faith.

It wasn't a pretty picture. It was a very depressing and very disheartening.

BUT

They say you have to hit rock bottom before you can climb up. If that wasn't rock bottom, I don't even want to know what rock bottom looks like, but it sure did feel like it.

Today I am thankful I do not live that life any longer. Today I see something very different. Today I see this...

I...

- Am a successful stay at home mother.

- Am an amazing writer with a wonderful future ahead of me.

- Have a happy healthy family, that although it is not perfect, it is whole.

- Have a husband with a stable job and a steady income.

- Have a roof over my head with no threat of losing it anytime soon. Although if I did, I have a back up plan.

- Have a savings account.

- Have a financial savings plan.

- Am rebuilding my credit.

- Reconnected with the lost friends who were important.

- Have my sanity (at least 75% of the time...that's a step up!)

- Don't have have to worry about how we are going to buy our children gifts for Christmas.

- Have a happy healing marriage.

- Have found my faith.

- Making healthy life choices and have rid myself of toxic situations.

- Have self confidence again.

I can't imagine a time in my life where I was ever as thankful as I am today. Today I pray to God and thank him for every thing he has provided me with.

Now here is where it get's crazy...

I thank God for putting me through everything I went through two years ago. I was heading down a steep hill and making every wrong decision a person could make. I thank him for the big smack upside the head. Had I not gone through any of that I wouldn't be who I am today. And for the first time in the last ... I don't know ... maybe even ten years, I can totally say I am proud of who I am. I am proud to be me. I am proud to be my husbands wife. I am proud of my children. I am proud of the mother I have become.

And I am thankful!

Craving to Be Normal!!

More than I would like a million dollars...

More than I would like a big beautiful house...

More than I would like to be a published author (ok...well not THAT much more...but a little)

More than I would like just about anything...

I just want to be normal. I'd like my brain to function properly on a daily basis. I'd like to stop having so many bad days. I've come to the conclusion that life is truly against me. Even my mom has said that I have to go through more stuff than most people.

If it can go wrong ... it does.

I'm the exception to EVERY rule!

Teenage pregnancy? Why not!

Rocky Marriage? Don't mind if I do!

Money problem? Sounds like a party!

Child with BiPolar? Fabulous!

Crappy house with a crappy landlord after losing my last crappy house to foreclosure? Absolutely! That will be a blast!

Problems keeping friends due to my own BiPolar insanity? What a great idea!

Regrets as high as the sky? Fun times!

Incapability to feel confident about my writing thus being unable to score an agent? (Or does my writing really suck...hmmmm...) Wouldn't miss it for the world!

Seriously. This is not normal. I am not normal. I suppose in some ways that's great and all, but really ... I'm not sure how much more I can take. And every time it looks like things are going to get better, they get worse!

I can't blog lately. I don't have anything funny to say or even anything positive for that matter. I am upset all the time. I'm stressed out about money, my marriage, my poor little boy going through all the same stuff, my house, my writing, my grandmother, and my sanity and I am trying so hard to keep it all to myself because at the very same time I feel like if I lose it I'll lose all my friends again just like before!

So if someone could please catch me a break......that would be GREAT!