That's right! I would love to just email these agents back and say, "Yeah, well I reject your rejection!!!" I have a feeling they would put me on their spam list and refuse all further emails after that point. Sigh...
Well the rejection I got today wasn't a form rejection at least. Instead I got....
"Dear Marybeth
Thanks for sending along the opening pages of The Guardian. Truth be told, though, I'm afraid these pages just didn't draw me in as much as I had hoped. I'm pressed for time these days and, what with my reservations about the project, I suspect I wouldn't be the best fit. Thanks so much for contacting me, though, and for giving me this opportunity. It's much appreciated, and I'm sorry to be passing. I wish you the very best of luck in your search for representation."
Well at least I initially had her excited?!?! Right? So now I have to wonder, should I change my first chapter? Or should I just leave it the way it is and keep waiting for the SMART agents to get back to me?
I don't do well with rejection. I suspect that means I am heading towards the wrong career path. Is there a career that involves 0% rejection? Cuz maybe I need to learn that trade! I think I need to go back and reread some agent posts about rising above constant rejection.
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Only the Lonely (Was that Elvis?)
I think it's funny that people keep visiting this blog and not the other. It's not what was intended, so I made it personal for a moment again. Sometimes it's easier to just make people believe you are chipper and upbeat and funny all the time. Reality is...kinda far from it, but I like the illusion better than the reality.
Today I'm lonely. VERY lonely. After a conversation with my husband and feeling distant from all of my friends, not to mention an old friend that I no longer speak to being about to have a baby, I can't help but feel this way. I've come to a place in my life where I don't really feel like I COMPLETELY relate to anyone. I do not know of anyone who has been through all of my experiences or shares all my belief or even really excepts me for who I really am for that matter. It's frustrating.
After losing so many friends (well actually giving them up) and having a rocky marriage for the last few years I can't help but wonder what I am doing wrong and racking my brain about how I can change it. Although how can you change something you aren't aware of and how do you become aware of it when you are too afraid to ask? And what if it something you can't change?
I know it sounds laughable, but I really miss having a BFF. It's been years since I've had one, but I miss it regardless. I've changed to much to reunite with the BFF I once had and I know she would not understand many of the decisions I have made, but that doesn't stop me for aching to have one again.
So I am lonely. I miss my friends. I miss being able to make my husband incredibly happy. I miss my sisters who live so far away. And I miss that window I used to sit in and stare out and sing every time I got lonely.
(Lonely - Not to be confused with depressed...VERY different moods...just for anyone who wondered)
Today I'm lonely. VERY lonely. After a conversation with my husband and feeling distant from all of my friends, not to mention an old friend that I no longer speak to being about to have a baby, I can't help but feel this way. I've come to a place in my life where I don't really feel like I COMPLETELY relate to anyone. I do not know of anyone who has been through all of my experiences or shares all my belief or even really excepts me for who I really am for that matter. It's frustrating.
After losing so many friends (well actually giving them up) and having a rocky marriage for the last few years I can't help but wonder what I am doing wrong and racking my brain about how I can change it. Although how can you change something you aren't aware of and how do you become aware of it when you are too afraid to ask? And what if it something you can't change?
I know it sounds laughable, but I really miss having a BFF. It's been years since I've had one, but I miss it regardless. I've changed to much to reunite with the BFF I once had and I know she would not understand many of the decisions I have made, but that doesn't stop me for aching to have one again.
So I am lonely. I miss my friends. I miss being able to make my husband incredibly happy. I miss my sisters who live so far away. And I miss that window I used to sit in and stare out and sing every time I got lonely.
(Lonely - Not to be confused with depressed...VERY different moods...just for anyone who wondered)
Thursday, May 28, 2009
It's Official
I have officially established the middle of the day as the cranky hour(s). Today is not as bad as some, but it's getting there.
Once again I continue on my quest to find a new place to live. BAD IDEA. After losing my home to foreclosure a year ago, trying to find a place to live is like taking a 10 pairs of human nails to a chalk board multiple times in a row. The excruciating reminder that I am now a loser is insanely depressing, thus I prefer to keep this quest for a new dwelling to a minimum.
After being offered an option from the heavens, I can't help but think there must be a catch. Surely this deal will fall through at the last minute and or it will head south and become non existent. I can't quite share the offer that has been placed before me just yet. Partially because I don't want to jinx it and partially because I'm not quite sure it is going to happen and also partially because it involves family. And although you may not know it, the last deal I took part in with family was NOT placed into "The Best Moments of my Life" category, especially after ending in me foreclosing upon my house. The last thing I want to do is end up in another situation like that!
So instead here I sit on Craigs List attempting to make a back up plain. It's actually turning into a HousehuntFAIL! And also aiding and abetting in my afternoon cranky hour(s) thus I will halt the process and save it for another afternoon. Possibly a little more Harry Potter will cheer this Po Mo Fo up?
Once again I continue on my quest to find a new place to live. BAD IDEA. After losing my home to foreclosure a year ago, trying to find a place to live is like taking a 10 pairs of human nails to a chalk board multiple times in a row. The excruciating reminder that I am now a loser is insanely depressing, thus I prefer to keep this quest for a new dwelling to a minimum.
After being offered an option from the heavens, I can't help but think there must be a catch. Surely this deal will fall through at the last minute and or it will head south and become non existent. I can't quite share the offer that has been placed before me just yet. Partially because I don't want to jinx it and partially because I'm not quite sure it is going to happen and also partially because it involves family. And although you may not know it, the last deal I took part in with family was NOT placed into "The Best Moments of my Life" category, especially after ending in me foreclosing upon my house. The last thing I want to do is end up in another situation like that!
So instead here I sit on Craigs List attempting to make a back up plain. It's actually turning into a HousehuntFAIL! And also aiding and abetting in my afternoon cranky hour(s) thus I will halt the process and save it for another afternoon. Possibly a little more Harry Potter will cheer this Po Mo Fo up?
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
And here we go again...
Maybe it's just this time of day? Early afternoon...the day started of nicely, then went down hill slowly as wee son decided to inch by inch melt into a pool of naughtiness. UGH!
I should probably be taking a nap with him right now, but instead I am attempting to catch up on all my blogs, facebook, twitter, and other addicting social media websites.
I've had 6 rejections now and only one MS request which I haven't heard from in a week. Typical, but still frustrating. I've become afraid to open my MS Outlook email for fear of more rejections. If anything, can't they just give me some advice already???
And thus, I am cranky. Cranky and tired and feeling life is impossibly complicated. Although my website got great reviews! Why can't the same be said for my danged book!!! UGH.
I should probably be taking a nap with him right now, but instead I am attempting to catch up on all my blogs, facebook, twitter, and other addicting social media websites.
I've had 6 rejections now and only one MS request which I haven't heard from in a week. Typical, but still frustrating. I've become afraid to open my MS Outlook email for fear of more rejections. If anything, can't they just give me some advice already???
And thus, I am cranky. Cranky and tired and feeling life is impossibly complicated. Although my website got great reviews! Why can't the same be said for my danged book!!! UGH.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Ups and Downs!
That was my weekend. There were good moments and bad moments. That kinda happens on the long weekends, especially while spending so much time with my husband and children. I'm not sure what it is about Logan, but I can spend days upon days with him and have no issues. But when you add in the other 3, limited exposure is the best!
I received another form rejection last night too. I hate how each rejection hits me so hard. I feel like with each one I am one step further from my ultimate goal of getting published. Tobby says it's the opposite, that each rejection gets me one step closer. Stupid boy, what does he know anyway?
Other than that and the absolute hatred of this house that we are living in, it was a mostly up weekend. Quite surprising really, but I won't complain. I wish every weekend was like that! Can't wait to give Tobby his present that, as far as I know, he has no clue that I even purchased :D
Well, till my next manic meltdown.....
I received another form rejection last night too. I hate how each rejection hits me so hard. I feel like with each one I am one step further from my ultimate goal of getting published. Tobby says it's the opposite, that each rejection gets me one step closer. Stupid boy, what does he know anyway?
Other than that and the absolute hatred of this house that we are living in, it was a mostly up weekend. Quite surprising really, but I won't complain. I wish every weekend was like that! Can't wait to give Tobby his present that, as far as I know, he has no clue that I even purchased :D
Well, till my next manic meltdown.....
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Euphoric Meltdown
Well of course that doesn't make sense! How can you be Euphoric while having a Meltdown? Well let me tell you how this works...
First you are Euphoric...on top of the world! (Ain't nothing gonna break my stride, ain't nobody gonna hold me down! Oh No! I gotta keep on movin!) In my case I got a request for a full manuscript within one hour of sending out the query. SWEET...for a few minutes at least... Then the euphoria fades away for some reason or another, and let me tell ya, not a reason worth getting so worked up about, but you've already done it. The euphoria is gone and all you are left with is the melt down! WATCH OUT WORLD (Give me something to break!!!)
I am not sure why this happens. In all retrospect I should still be happy and excited, but I am not. About an hour after the MS request I got another form rejection and all the happiness was slipping. Then the kids came home and decided to do everything BUT listen to me and the happiness disappeared. Now all I am left with is crankiness towards my children and a startling lack of confidence once again.
So yeah, it makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. Still here I am, once again the victim of a Euphoric Meltdown. Somebody just come slap me!
First you are Euphoric...on top of the world! (Ain't nothing gonna break my stride, ain't nobody gonna hold me down! Oh No! I gotta keep on movin!) In my case I got a request for a full manuscript within one hour of sending out the query. SWEET...for a few minutes at least... Then the euphoria fades away for some reason or another, and let me tell ya, not a reason worth getting so worked up about, but you've already done it. The euphoria is gone and all you are left with is the melt down! WATCH OUT WORLD (Give me something to break!!!)
I am not sure why this happens. In all retrospect I should still be happy and excited, but I am not. About an hour after the MS request I got another form rejection and all the happiness was slipping. Then the kids came home and decided to do everything BUT listen to me and the happiness disappeared. Now all I am left with is crankiness towards my children and a startling lack of confidence once again.
So yeah, it makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. Still here I am, once again the victim of a Euphoric Meltdown. Somebody just come slap me!
Monday, May 18, 2009
Welcome to my Warped World
Ok maybe not so warped...but slightly twisted. There are days where I am on top of the world, then there are days like today...where the world is weighing heavily on top of me.
The irony of it all...nothing is really wrong.
Life isn't really that bad. Great kids, great husband (mostly) and not much to complain about really. But I am just not with it today. Just not happy. Just not content.
Welcome to the wonderful world of being Bi-Polar! And sadly, this is controlled and well managed Bi-Polar. I take my meds every day and I go to counseling, yet I still am very discontent with my mediocre life. Oh wait...hadn't I just said it was Great? Well in theory it is....but in my little head...it's merely mediocre.
Why?
Well it's kinda complicated really. Probably just because I'm an idiot...or maybe because I am ungrateful...possibly even because I incapable of happiness. Or maybe I'm just a victim of random tragedies in a world without a true heroine (not the drug...heroine...as in hero...which my life is greatly lacking)
Give me a week....once someone notices it, I'll more than likely delete this blog. But until then, I thought it might be nice to just let it all out. Get up on my Soap Box and expose my insanity if you will. It could be interesting....right??? Well at the very least...maybe it will release some tension and stress. Everyone needs to vent sometimes!
The irony of it all...nothing is really wrong.
Life isn't really that bad. Great kids, great husband (mostly) and not much to complain about really. But I am just not with it today. Just not happy. Just not content.
Welcome to the wonderful world of being Bi-Polar! And sadly, this is controlled and well managed Bi-Polar. I take my meds every day and I go to counseling, yet I still am very discontent with my mediocre life. Oh wait...hadn't I just said it was Great? Well in theory it is....but in my little head...it's merely mediocre.
Why?
Well it's kinda complicated really. Probably just because I'm an idiot...or maybe because I am ungrateful...possibly even because I incapable of happiness. Or maybe I'm just a victim of random tragedies in a world without a true heroine (not the drug...heroine...as in hero...which my life is greatly lacking)
Give me a week....once someone notices it, I'll more than likely delete this blog. But until then, I thought it might be nice to just let it all out. Get up on my Soap Box and expose my insanity if you will. It could be interesting....right??? Well at the very least...maybe it will release some tension and stress. Everyone needs to vent sometimes!
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