I think it's funny that people keep visiting this blog and not the other. It's not what was intended, so I made it personal for a moment again. Sometimes it's easier to just make people believe you are chipper and upbeat and funny all the time. Reality is...kinda far from it, but I like the illusion better than the reality.
Today I'm lonely. VERY lonely. After a conversation with my husband and feeling distant from all of my friends, not to mention an old friend that I no longer speak to being about to have a baby, I can't help but feel this way. I've come to a place in my life where I don't really feel like I COMPLETELY relate to anyone. I do not know of anyone who has been through all of my experiences or shares all my belief or even really excepts me for who I really am for that matter. It's frustrating.
After losing so many friends (well actually giving them up) and having a rocky marriage for the last few years I can't help but wonder what I am doing wrong and racking my brain about how I can change it. Although how can you change something you aren't aware of and how do you become aware of it when you are too afraid to ask? And what if it something you can't change?
I know it sounds laughable, but I really miss having a BFF. It's been years since I've had one, but I miss it regardless. I've changed to much to reunite with the BFF I once had and I know she would not understand many of the decisions I have made, but that doesn't stop me for aching to have one again.
So I am lonely. I miss my friends. I miss being able to make my husband incredibly happy. I miss my sisters who live so far away. And I miss that window I used to sit in and stare out and sing every time I got lonely.
(Lonely - Not to be confused with depressed...VERY different moods...just for anyone who wondered)
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