Digging up the Past

So an old friend from High School had her first baby yesterday. Unfortunately this isn't just any old friend, she was THE old friend...my "BFF". Time and life created a somewhat messy falling out and I haven't talked to her in almost 2 years. But my mother suggested today that I wish her a "Congrats" on facebook. *Sigh*

The rough thing is, I've known she was pregnant due to facebook and other friends, and it has literally pained me to watch her go through her pregnancy without being there. I miss her something fierce, but sadly, being her friend often hurt just as much.

To congratulate her would be to be offering up the white flag of peace. It would say that, "Sure, I'd love to be friends again." Which in all retrospect, I can't say that this is true. I'm very hurt by the way our friendship ended, as I am sure she is too. And I have also changed an IMMENSE amount since we last parted. My life experiences have been very uncharacteristic of my old self and who I am now is only a glimmer of who I was then. I am positive she would not accept me.

That being said, I really do miss her and I really do wish I could offer her my congratulations. Losing a Best Friend is just like breaking up with a Boyfriend whom you felt deep emotions for. You never forget them, and you will always care about them.

So to you, former BFF, here is my silent, and slightly (ok possibly more than slightly) over dramatic Congratulations on your new baby. I am so proud of you and happy that everything went well. (Not to mention the fact that you got to name him the name you've had picked out for more than 10 years!)