You can get with this, or you can get with that ...

It was a Kia commercial. One hamster in a Kia (You can get with this ...) and one hamster in a Toaster (or you can get with that ...) I'm so in the toaster right now. And the damn fur ball over in the Kia is laughing his ass off at me. Eventually I'll show him up when I hop out of my bagel sized slot and jump into my BMW, but that BMW seems SOOOOO far away.

But that's what I am ... Cool fun MB or Slightly Burnt (out) and stuck in a hole MB.

My sister (Holla!) says I'm a package deal. But I kinda think the package sucks. I'd totally put me back on the shelf. I mean seriously, who knows what you'll get when you open me up!

Enough with the metaphors already.

I had a conversation with a very dear friend of mine last night wherein they told me I'm not fooling them. Whereafter I said "F!!!", cuz I was really putting a lot of effort into doing so. Stupid mediocre acting skillz. They used to be much more polished. I used to fool EVERYONE! Then of course I cracked and now fooling people is like trying to hide my granny panty lines under a tight pair of leggings. Um hello!!! Everyone knows I'm not wearing a thong under those babies! Sigh... stupid panty lines.

I have to admit, I really preferred the days where I was blissfully unaware of my up swings. When I thought I was just happy and everything was going well. Where I didn't think a damn thing about my racing thoughts. I mean that was just my brain being brilliant! DUH!!! Grandiose ideas? That's just confidence baby! I was awesomesauce and I didn't care who knew it, cuz I did!

Fast forward a million years...

Trust ...

I can't trust my happiness anymore. Cuz happiness comes with big fat thoughts that I'm going to be an amazing and rich novelist someday and travel the world and tell my story and have everyone kissing my rings. (Ok so not THAT much, but still) And then happiness keeps me up all night because my brain keeps on moving and moving and moving and it NEVER turns off. And my happiness scares the shit out of my husband, because I'm pretty sure he knows what's coming next.

And really, is any of this happiness?

I sure thought it was.

And then I thought, crap, maybe it isn't. And then that turned into a trampoline effect.

I'm happy

No I'm not

Yes I am

NO I'm not

But seriously I am!

Whatever, you're totally not

Am too

Are Not!

UGH!!!!

I read a book recently. It was brilliant and eye opening and terrifying all in one breath. Why? Because I could relate. Reading the book proved what, although I had convinced myself I had already accepted, what I was still subconsciously denying is true. I'm effing crazy!

Bat Shit Crazy

So that's all I have to say about that ... for now ... I just really don't feel like getting with this, or that.