As with just about every time I drop off the map and fall into my hole, I've managed to lose touch with some important people. It's frustrating, because I don't know how to avoid it, and I don't know how to correct it once it's been done.
I've also been lucky enough to upset people, without even knowing I did so or knowing they are upset until I ask later. How does that happen? And am I really that difficult to confront? I may get emotional, but I'm not mean!
Needless to say, I find myself chasing after these people. And maybe they don't even want to be chased after? I don't even know. But if we're being honest (and it's my blog so I totally get to be honest) I'm kinda tired of chasing. I'm tired of apologizing when I don't even know what I did. And I'm tired of being the one to always initiate conversations. And I've done my own little research on that one. Spent over a week initiating every conversation, then decided to wait for that person to initiate one, needless to say, haven't heard from them in about 2 months.
I suppose that should be my cue to just let go. Stop fighting for something that's not there. Friends come and go. I know that. I've lived it. It just sucks that in the end, it seems I have more friends going than coming. What sucks more is that I know it's my fault. No one wants to be friends with a mood swinger. Sans other mood swingers, but unfortunately they all live too far away.
So today, I have gone anti friend. (And CMOM, we've already established you're my sister ... so you do not apply!) I'm anti friend because I am pretty much incapable of holding onto friendships of the normal caliber. Thinking about looking into reachemol .... seeing as my facebook friends seem to be my only friends these days! LOL.
But, if you are reading this, and we are still friends (and I am no longer aware of this fact, because I really feel like I have none at all these days) We shall here forth be considered partners in craziness. And partners in craziness, unlike friends, do not come and go. Just saying.
3 comments:
I'll remain your partner in craziness.
I’m still your friend. I would take you to coffee if we lived in the same city.
I’m seeing my son struggle with friends too right now. I'm afraid it will always be hard for him.
I am still your friend even though we haven't met in person yet. I do know what you mean by "chasing". I finally gave up and had to go forward. I have only one in-real-life friend. That's it! The rest are my friends online.
Hang in there and love to you!
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