I have these days *cough* like today *cough* where I just feel like I'm an irritation to everyone. Like no matter how much someone tries to cheer me up, I am almost positive there is something they don't like about me. I really don't get it. You'd think these thoughts would go away now that I'm no longer in high school.
Maybe writing all this YA stuff is rubbing off on my self esteem? Probably not though.
But I'm wondering, while swimming in my pool of depression (thank goodness it's the shallow end) if it's just me that feels like this. Or maybe all bipolar people? Or maybe everyone has these days?
All I know for sure is, I'm low. I'm not a fan of low.
PDog is low too. Bored out of his mind no matter what he's doing. Talked about wanting to run away again today. The only thing I could come up with to say was, "You know what buddy, sometimes I feel that way too!" I'm not sure he knew what to make of that.
But it's true. Some days I just want to run away from home. Not for good, just for a tiny while. LUCKILY I get to do that this weekend. I feel really guilty for being so excited about that. I should want to be here with my husband and kids. And I should want to spend time with them more than everyone else. But today...this week...I just don't. More than anything I just want to go somewhere and be along. But I'll settle for going out with my favorite friends and visiting the beach for the first time in 3 years!
Knowing that I get to do this, you'd think I'd be happier. Why am I not?
2 comments:
I was feeling crappy last week too, and SO completely in "I suck" mode. It was wonderful to see you this weekend though!! I needed friend time :) Miss you already. Hope this week is a million times better than last week!
Yes, I am bp2 and I either feel completely annoyed by people or I feel that they must be annoyed by me. I've been thinking especially lately that a getaway alone would be good, but also dangerous because I'd have nobody to reel me in.
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