Especially when your mood takes a liking to them and starts acting just like them.
Up
Down
Up
Down
Up
Down
You annoyed yet? I know I am.
But that seems to be where my moods are lately. All over the freaking place. Just when I think I'm up two minutes later I fall down. Then back up for a few minutes....then...well I think you get the point
It seems that PDog is right there with me. Either he's happy or he's sad. There is no in between.
So if you've been reading this blog for awhile, then you know I started a new website (www.askabipolar.com) and this has been a slight reason for my up and down moods. Not that I want to stop or anything...I'm just so passionate about it that i want it to be successful, or at least semi successful , I'm not picky. So I'm all worried about that.
On top of that, in order to prepare myself for answering all these questions I've also been studying Bipolar Disorder as much as possible. Books, websites, blogs, you name it. And sometimes it's hard not to get discouraged about the progressions or progress with both PDog and I.
AND THEN I'm writing this story and having to point out all the things that us crazy people do, which is a reminder to all the things I've been through and may possibly go through again with my son.
I guess you could say I'm just overwhelmed with Bipolar. It's everywhere. At home, in my stories, on my websites, in my daily conversations. I'm not sick of it, well ok who wouldn't be sick of being me, but I am feeling weighted down. (In a good way though, cuz i totally don't want to stop the website or my book!!!)
I'm sure none of this makes a whole lot of sense, but that's quite typical with me. I just feel like the ratio of happy to sad is a little bit off lately, and not in a good way. Of course I'm doing my best to ignore it...and I'm actually quite talented at it. But if you were to see my insides, you might be a tad bit surprised.
Sometimes I wonder if all bipolars are as good of actors as I strive to be ;)
And if you haven't checked out the site today, I answered how I feel about PDog being "labeled". (click here)
1 comment:
I'm sorry for all the ups and downs. The strange thing is that as a mom with a mood disorder child, I too am on a roller coster ride. I was happy yesterday and crying today, just being in this world of bipolar, seeing the pain it causes, the worries it creates and the hopes being crushed by yet another abusive rage, it's starting to change who I am from the inside out. I told my husband tonight that each of these major episodes with my son seems to kill a little piece of me. People say I'm so strong for going through all this, yet I'm falling apart on the inside. If this is this hard for me, I can't imagine how this must be for my son and yourself who have to live with the illness everyday. As I told my son today, "if I could take his illness away from him I would, but since I can't, I can sit by his side and love him."
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