Quitting is for Quitters, of which I am not ... Am I?

Today ... I just want to quit ... everything!

In an argument yesterday, I was reminded of all my inadequacies. Who the argument was with or what it was about is unimportant and will soon be forgotten, but the feelings it conjured inside of me have carved a hole into my heart. And it wasn't the person or the subject of the fight that bore the knife. No, I personally handcrafted the notch of self-loathing.

I artistically plunged the blade into my heart and dug out old wounds then filled it in with fearful predictions of what could be if I continue down my current path of destruction.

This path was beautiful at one point. It was vast with ideas and possibilities. On each bit of foliage a drop of inspiration dangled and glistened in my line of site. The dirt trail curved and in the far distance I could see concrete. The soil and dust were temporary measures leading to a simple road paved with the asphalt of my anticipated success.

Unfortunately, I got caught up mid-way. Tree branches became obstacles and the bugs kept biting every inch of flesh. However, the once clearly marked trail had become an entanglement of vines and I could no longer see further than the ground below me. There was clearly no going back and to go forward meant finding a route of my own, but I had not tools to create one. 

This is where I find myself today. Surrounded by pesky insects trying to bite at every little piece of hope I have left. Halted by obstructions without the means to remove them. I'm left in search of some type of line which can lead me to where I need to be, yet filled with so little ambition and lacking all desire to actually find where to begin or decide which direction to set forth upon.

And thus, I want to quit. I want to sit in the dirt as my head falls into my soiled hands and cry; for I am going no where. I am not progressing, nor am I falling behind. I am stagnant and the purely sedentary movement is somehow giving me motion sickness.

All my aspirations feel like hallucinations and any confidence I once retained has been swept away by the storms of shortcomings and a tornado swirling with hindrance and restrictive, constraining barriers. I could no sooner move forward than I could falter to the beginning. So what more is there for me to do?

Sadly, if we're being honest, and/or I'm being honest with myself, my largest barricade is nothing more than ... well, me. My opponents know it, and what's worse is, so do I. 

I get in the way of my own progress.

I create fantasies in which quitting seems the only viable option and actually pushing ahead remains an improbability filled with worlds of impossibilities.

But somebody(s) once told me, Nothing is Impossible, however, I'm Possible. The real question is, how do I convince myself that these are truths? How do I alter my path of resistance into a course of resignation? How do I persuade my mind into believing that I am better than the "gluttony of choices" out there, that I am worth more and amassed in talent others cannot provide?

My thoughts tell me I'm worthless ... I'm just as good if not worse than everyone else out there. My thoughts tell me there is nothing special about what I have to offer and perhaps I'm trying too hard when there will never be an advancement in my own personal enterprise. My thoughts have me thoroughly convinced that to stop now would be an advantage and to continue pursing these dreams would only slight my assurance further.

My thoughts are assholes.

My thoughts are burdens.

But ...

My thoughts have a point.

And ...

What if they are right?

If I've had no proof on the contrary to what my thoughts have lead me to accept about my own abilities, then why should I discount their credibility?

What really holds us back from quitting?

I really want to quit.

But hell, I can't even quit smoking ...