I have my SSD appointment today. It's said that I'll most likely get denied, so I have no clue why I'm bothering. And I'm so caught up in trying to prove them wrong, that I am indeed not capable performing a full time job right now, I haven't stopped feeling sick for the past 4 weeks.
It's like I'm pregnant (which seriously, I PROMISE I'm not). I feel sick to my stomach all day and all night. I'll feel so sick that I don't want to eat and then when I do finally eat I can't stop. WTH is that?
To top things off, things with PDog have been downright stressful. Between trying to keep him in school and finding the right med combination, to managing rages...I'm pretty much spent.
And then my husband wonders why I don't want to make dinner at the end of the day or why the laundry isn't done or why the house still needs to be picked up. And sure, all that sounds easy enough, but for some reason, no matter how much he get's annoyed, I can not find the motivation to keep up with any of it.
Don't even get me started on our finances of which I royally effed up this past couple months. It's hard enough to force myself to get 10hrs of work in per week. How the heck would I be able to do 40?
And after all this....after completely explaining it, I feel like such a lazy jerk who just doesn't want to do anything. But that's not true. I swear it's not. It's just I can't focus enough to remember what needs to be done or how much money is in the account or what time it is and have I picked up the kids yet? It's ridiculous.
This whole keeping focus thing is super ridiculous. I'm on Ritalin for bajezuz sake! I still can't manage a daily task list, even when it's written out! Some days it's the depression and lack of motivation. Other days it's the racing thoughts and the inability to slow down and I can't keep track of my priorities. Some days it's even .... oooh sparkly gnome ....
Oh disability doctors, I really hope you don't think I'm trying to fool you. I really am a flipping mess. I'll show you. But shhhhhhhhh don't tell anyone!
4 comments:
BIG HUG to you! I truly hope that this works out for you. I know how it is for other to not really believe us or get it. Hope this works out. :) Keep us posted.
I'm sorry. As you know I can relate to the school stuff with your son. I hope you get approved though! And if not, appeal and appeal.
I cannot believe you blogged about this! I had the same I feel sick like I'm pregnant think for about a month, end of September to mid October. I actually took two tests to be sure I wasn't even though that was unlikely because everyone thought due to my symptoms I was. I did not even think that my bipolar and stress could be doing this to me. Thanks!! :-) Hope you get to feeling better!!
Oh, I'm so sorry things have been so rough lately, sending you a BIG hug!!!
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