They're just not Cuttin the Mustard!

Winter is so lovely. All the ugly snow... um I mean beautiful ... no I really meant to say ugly.

So I've been a wretched friend lately. I'm super confused as to what to do about. I am about just as ugly as winter right now. Life is very stressful and I am in a deep dark whole.

As Meredith and Christina would say, "I'm in my dark place right now."

As a result I have been avoiding almost everyone. I put in my happy comments here and there and have been a helpful critiquer and all that good stuff. But I've been very distant. And I know people have started to notice.

For blobs sake, I completely missed a friend's note about losing their baby (miscarriage). But I just don't know what to do.

I just don't want to bother people with my problems. I don't want to be the complaining friend. I don't want to be the friend who ALWAYS bitches about something or another. I want to be the happy friend. The positive friend. The friend who helps. Not the friend that needs help. And the only way I know how to do that right now is to just stay away.

I have nothing happy to say. Things are NOT well. I am to the point where I don't know how to help other people feel better because I just can't think straight myself.

And the weirdest part is, I don't even want to talk about it. Nobody has been through this stuff. Nobody will understand. At least not anybody that I know. So what may seem dumb to someone else is probably the most stressful and depressing thing to me.

I WANT TO TO BE POSITIVE! And usually I can be. But I'm pretty much at that breaking point. That point where it's hard to be positive because there is very little to be positive about. Yeah an try running a happy blog feeling like this every day. It's great!

So although none of this make sense, and unfortunately none of it made me feel better...if you could all say a prayer or two for me...that would be great. I have a feeling I'm on the verge of losing friends again, and that really sucks. Even though I'm trying to do the exact opposite of what I did last time. UGH...Can somebody else be me for a day?